Here we go

On April 20th (last Friday) I finished my last exam which was Biochemistry, a class I actually like and at 10:15am on Friday I officially finished my second year of university! This fall I will be in my 3rd year...which in case you are wondering, means I am officially old and should have my life together. I don't feel old enough or mature enough or responsible enough to turn 20...I still need my mommy!

Anyway, because I had to study for exams, I didn't really start to pack anything until about 12 pm on Friday...and I had a lot to pack. Like 2 bikes, books, cloths, hats, bike stuff, bedding, and other random things that I have no idea why own, but couldn't seem to part with. Thankfully my friend Mike helped me pack or I totally would have missed my plane!! He also kept me going because I was so exhausted from exams and the fact that I woke up at 3:30 am to study...so a he deserves a shout-out for helping me get home!

Usually, my parents come to pick me up at the airport in Calgary...except they decided that my brother could use my car (which was stored at my grandparents house in Calgary for the past 8 months) to pick me up at the airport with my mass amounts of stuff and then I would drive myself home. It was odd driving myself home...I have never done that before. I mean I have driven the 3.5hr drive between Calgary and my town plenty of times, but I have never done it just after getting back from school. It was kind of nice in a way, to just drive, listen to my music and not have to talk to anybody or study.

Now onto the real news. I am leaving tomorrow at 7am to drive to Vancouver (its a 12hr drive) because I have my pre-op appointment on Thursday (April 26) afternoon, and then my surgery is on Friday at some point. I don't have the time yet.

I will try and post up an update when I get back home though!

First bike ride of 2012 in BC! I kinda look like I am grimacing, but its hard to take a picture with a Blackberry when you are riding up hill at 32km/h!

Its On like Rocket Ron

So my surgery officially will not be cancelled! The anesthesiologists of BC have decided to revoke all previous intentions of withdrawing services. I was a big moment of relief yesterday when I found out that it wouldn't be cancelled, now I can just focus on studying for my last exam and packing.

Speaking of exams, I just finished a week designed by the lord of the underworld. I had 4 exams in 4 days, 3 of which were in 24hrs and two of those three were back to back with no space between them. I have never studied like this in my life, I am not good at cramming, it doesn't work for me at all...except for this time. I have never been at the library so early that it hasn't even opened yet and I have to stand outside, I have also never been at the library past 9:00pm. This exam period changed all of that. On Saturday morning I woke up at 4 am to study for my Cell Bio final, got the library just before it opened at 8 and studied right up until 11:20 am, and then ran to my exam which started at 11:30. Usually the night before I feel very confident about what I know, and then the day of my exam I don't spend more than an hour studying...for my last three exams that I just wrote on Friday and Saturday I didn't feel confident about any of my exams up until about 10min before they started, and even then, I was a lot less confident then I usually am. I didn't even study for my Pathology exam really...but I think I did really well (mostly because it was very similar to the practice final our prof gave us).

One more exam to go at 8:30am on Friday,  but I am so exhausted from studying, and from the amount of caffeine and lack of sleep on Saturday that I can't really find the motivation to study.

Summer Job

One phone call totally made my day today. I was offered a data entry job at Teck Coal this summer! The best part is that it is at one of the offices in town, and I can do it on crutches. It is absolutely fantastic, I'm not too sure how much it pays, but I am sure it is well over minimum wage (but to be honest I don't care how much it pays, I just need a job that doesn't involve the use of my legs).

My week started off absolutely awful, Monday and Tuesday were probably the worst days of my life, and seeing as I live in constant pain, that is saying something, but today made up for that.

Wish me luck tomorrow on my first race of the season!

Normalizing of the Heart Rate

So the issue has been resolved.My heart rate has returned to normal, and I can study again. I have also started to pack...sending my skis across Canada via bus and my clothes via Canada Post. Lets hope what I have left over will actually fit in my suitcase and bike bags.

I am racing my first race of the year on Friday (Good Friday Road Race) in Bicisport style! I think I might get dropped, even though I am racing in a lower category than I normally would, I'm just not that fit right now. Pain has been a bit of a B**** this winter, but lets hope the surgery works!

I also potentially might have a data entry job working at the Teck Coal office this summer, which would be fantastic because it is a job I can do on crutches! (If you are the type of person who believes in a higher power, it would be awesome if you could put in a good word for me.) The past few days have been literally what I would describe as hell...I know there are people much worse off than me in the world and it is wrong to over dramatize my problem, but I almost had a nervous breakdown on Tuesday. So knowing I have a job for the summer that I can do regardless of my medical state would be a huge relief.

The most helpful thing I have read in the past 6 hours.

Also for the first time in my life, riding a bike did not make me feel better, in fact my heart rate was so high (like over 200) when I was on the bike that I thought I was going to throw up.

Bam

Whenever something stressful happens to me, like being accused of something I didn't do for example, makes it really hard to deal with the pain. I just start crying, I think its because end up with a stress overload and then I can't deal with the pain or the emotions that I feel. This is really bad timing because I need to study, and I can't. All that I can think about right now is potentially what might happen to me even though I didn't do it. I don't know how to defend myself even, I would ask my lawyer dad, but I don't think I can...

I am feeling super overwhelmed right now, hopefully a bike ride will help.

The Next Stage

Next week is the last week of my second year of university, which means that I am almost halfway done my undergrad. I'm scared, because this means that I really need to get my stuff together, I'm not supposed to be naive anymore, I'm supposed to have a plan for my life and be independent. I still feel like I rely on my parents for everything, when something goes wrong or I don't know what to do, they are the first people I call. Essentially I still feel like a kid, even though my age says otherwise (although I can probably still pass for 14).

At this time last year I wrote a post called "So Close I can Almost Taste it" about what my first year was like and how I was amazed that I made it through despite having a curve ball thrown at my head every five minutes. This year seemed a bit easier, but at the same time, I haven't achieved what I though I would be this time in my life. I though I would have a sweet research position this summer, I don't, I'm having surgery and working the same old boring summer job that I had last year. I though I would have been involved in some sort of awesome volunteer gig, and actually be contributing to the world...volunteering at the Bike Centre and being on the Human Rights and Social Justice Council doesn't seem like anything worth talking about. I though that university would be a time when I could thrive, be who I wanted to be and do what I wanted to do. So far, that hasn't happened.

I'm still waiting to hear whether or not I got into Calgary, and word on the street is that I won't know until May. Its major stressing me out and making it much harder to focus on things that I need to like training and school. I 'm about to ship all of my stuff home, only to have to ship it back to Ontario to live with random people that I won't know next year. Also not knowing if my surgery is a definite go is really stressing me out.

I wish things would just work out how I had planned and hoped...I never thought that I wouldn't like UofG, or that I would still need another surgery, or that my surgery may be canceled, and if its not, it may not work.

This post is drastically different from the one I wrote last year, this post isn't full of hope and inspiration, and I'm sorry for that, but this year has pretty much just been one let down after another. So far nothing awesome has happened, I keep think that the awesome thing is coming, but it doesn't seem to.

So here's hoping that I do well on my exams and that I get in to Calgary.