3

So I got a 3 on my AP Calc AB mock exam. I thought I would have gotten a 2 because I didn't study and literally did not know how to do any of the written. But I got a 3. Guess I should put my head down and study, then I just might pull off a 4. That would be great.

I still think APs re stupid.

I'm over it

This is going to be a two part blog today, neither section will relate to each other.

1. I am totally over my freak out about deciding where to go to university. I declined U of T today and recycled my admission package. I tried to decline Queens, but apparently you can't do that, so I have to wait until the offer expires on Saturday. I am not going to McGill because it is too expensive, and I don't want to go to UVic. All that leaves is Guelph, where I originally wanted to go before I started to freak out. Next week I will find out about McMaster Health Sciences. I don't think I %100 want to go there anymore, on the off chance that I get in, I might just turn it down. Turning down McMaster Health sciences is almost the same as turning down Harvard...but, I don't want to go to Harvard. (Get the aphorism there?) So ya, I think I am okay now, my panic attack has ended.

2. Last year, I remember what it was like to be in "prefect nomination craze." When being voted a prefect was the only thing that started to matter, the only thing you think about, and the one thing that made you do things you wouldn't normally do. It didn't really happen to me. I wanted really badly, but I was determined to just be myself, and if I was meant to be a leader, people would see that and vote for me. It worked out pretty well. I am Head of House this year and therefore also a prefect, and it has be great. But it is not the end of the world if you are not, it is awesome if you are one, but not everything.

Right now, it is this year's grade 11's that are freakin' out, in my house especially. Some people are ending up in tears every night, other people hate each other. People are spreading roomers about roomers, gossiping, and people who were once best friends now hate each other. As head of house, I feel obligated to help sort it all out, but it isn't going over so well. It is mind blowing how wanting to be a prefect can cause people to be like this and do things they would never normally do.

Anyway...U of G!

May 1st

I thought that my deadline to respond to the offer from Queens was May 28...nope. It is May 1st. Now what!! If I want to go to Queens I will have to accept their offer, thus loosing my offer from Guelph because I already accepted them! AHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHa

Queens

I kind of had a silent, internal panic attack tonight at the Queens University  accepted students information evening. I came the realization that I might actually want to go to Queens, but I still want to go to Guelph, and McGill, and I am waiting for a decision from McMaster Health Sciences. I won't here from McMaster until next Wednesday, and on the off chance I actually get in, it will probably be between McMaster and Guelph, yet I am now starting to reconsider Queens. Deciding what I want to study and do with my life was the easy part, but where do I go learn about it? Will one school help me get a higher average than the other, will one suit my personality better, and what about cycling? McGill has the best cycling team by far, its is the only varsity cycling team in Canada...they have their own bus and coach for goodness sake! Guelph is offering my the most money, but what if would like the program at McMaster better, or the campus life at Queens, or the cycling team at McGill!! I don't know what to do!!!!!!!! I am half hoping I don't get into to McMaster because that is one less choice that I have to make, but if I did get into Health Science I almost feel obligated to go because some people would donate organs to be in that program.

I never thought this would be so difficult...   

Self Amputation

Yup, I have consider it. Am I going to actually do it? Of course not, that would be disgusting and probably over all more painful. But I think the thought might just be instinctual. You know how dogs lick and chew at a sore because it hurts? Well, I have come to the conclusion that we have that same instinct...if it hurts a lot, just chop it off. Yet we resist because we have the ability to perform higher level thinking and we understand that a missing body part will not help us and will probably hurt more.

Where am I going with this? I'm actually not sure, all I know is that I have considered cutting my own foot off to stop the pain. The injections I had last Tuesday literally made the pain double and it hurts like a banshee to walk. I despise Dr. Selby. And my room-mate hid my knife.

Drowning

I am drowning in text books, note books, study guides, practice tests and stress. As a result, I haven't gotten anything done, I am going to fail these APs that cost $86 USD to write. The is the first and only time that I will ever type (or say): FML!

Why am I taking APs?

Okay, so I have come to the realization that I only have 14 days left before my first AP and I am screwed. I keep missing classes because of doctor appointments, I am so tired because of  taking Gabapentin and I don't see how I will possibly be able to manage a 4 let alone a 5 on any of my exams. This sucks. My stress levels are above what is medically safe.