It must be hard

I had a friend tell me tonight that she can't imagine what I am going through, and that I have been somewhat of an inspiration to her this past semester. But I don't know about that, sure, its hard, but everybody has some sort of struggle in their life. Even when you think some people have the perfect lives, the get straight A's without trying, they are athletic, and to top it off, they are always gorgeous people. But that is just what we see on the outside, even if we don't know about it, everybody struggles with something. I just happen to struggle with RSD. I just happen to live in pain, pain that never lets me forget what I can and cannot do.

Sometimes I have good days, when the pain isn't so bad, and then I have days when all I want to do is cut off my foot. After a procedure done at the end of October, I have severe spine pain. It hurts to do everything now, it hurts to bike, it hurts to walk, it hurts to sleep and it hurts to sit. I can barely tolerate wearing a back pack. It is probably hard for most people to imagine what it is like to have never ending pain that may only get worse, but it is also hard to imagine what people all over the world deal with everyday. Yes, I am in pain all te time, but so many people are in more pain than me. All I can do is pray for them.

New Blog?

I'm pretty sure nobody actually really reads this anyway, so I have decided that I am going to blog just for me. Its a good way to get thoughts down...its like talking to somebody who will always listen to what you need to say.

Pain. I for one think that the word 'pain' should be longer, and harder to pronounce; like those really stupidly complex scientific names that everybody struggles to say and pronounces differently, to the point where nobody actually knows how to say it properly. Big words usually aptly describe big things...and pain is big. Pain is one of those things that is pronounced, or perceived differently by everybody. Some people deal with it better than others, some people's 8 on the pain scale is another person's 3. I feel a lot of pain, to the point where I don't actually know how to describe it anymore. Nobody seems to understand that when I say it hurts, I really want to say that my entire body is paralyzed from pain, to the point where I can't even scream. But nobody gets that, because my pronunciation of pain is not one that they have ever heard, or felt before, so not many people can understand my version of the word pain.

RSD sucks. It hurts, and my pronunciation of pain goes more like this: Pain (P-aopajd-uyrkasjfh-hfh-eeeekhweas-ain).