The Next Stage

Next week is the last week of my second year of university, which means that I am almost halfway done my undergrad. I'm scared, because this means that I really need to get my stuff together, I'm not supposed to be naive anymore, I'm supposed to have a plan for my life and be independent. I still feel like I rely on my parents for everything, when something goes wrong or I don't know what to do, they are the first people I call. Essentially I still feel like a kid, even though my age says otherwise (although I can probably still pass for 14).

At this time last year I wrote a post called "So Close I can Almost Taste it" about what my first year was like and how I was amazed that I made it through despite having a curve ball thrown at my head every five minutes. This year seemed a bit easier, but at the same time, I haven't achieved what I though I would be this time in my life. I though I would have a sweet research position this summer, I don't, I'm having surgery and working the same old boring summer job that I had last year. I though I would have been involved in some sort of awesome volunteer gig, and actually be contributing to the world...volunteering at the Bike Centre and being on the Human Rights and Social Justice Council doesn't seem like anything worth talking about. I though that university would be a time when I could thrive, be who I wanted to be and do what I wanted to do. So far, that hasn't happened.

I'm still waiting to hear whether or not I got into Calgary, and word on the street is that I won't know until May. Its major stressing me out and making it much harder to focus on things that I need to like training and school. I 'm about to ship all of my stuff home, only to have to ship it back to Ontario to live with random people that I won't know next year. Also not knowing if my surgery is a definite go is really stressing me out.

I wish things would just work out how I had planned and hoped...I never thought that I wouldn't like UofG, or that I would still need another surgery, or that my surgery may be canceled, and if its not, it may not work.

This post is drastically different from the one I wrote last year, this post isn't full of hope and inspiration, and I'm sorry for that, but this year has pretty much just been one let down after another. So far nothing awesome has happened, I keep think that the awesome thing is coming, but it doesn't seem to.

So here's hoping that I do well on my exams and that I get in to Calgary.

MonWHO

This past weekend  I had the privilege of traveling to Montreal to attend the MonWHO conference. MonWHO is a World Health Organization simulation conference held in Montreal every year. The College of Biological Sciences Student Council (CBSSC) sponsored 11 student to go. The theme of this year's conference was Refugee health, and it was super fun!

It was the first time I had ever been to Montreal before, so it was pretty exciting for me just to be there. I was the Merck & Co. pharmaceutical representative, which as you can imagine had its ups and downs. I have discovered that I am really bad at being self centred, hording money and just generally being evil. We spent most of the weekend inside, arguing over policies, what is important and debating, but we did get to spend a little bit of time shopping (1hr in H&M) and seeing some sights in Old Montreal.

Check out some photos from the weekend!

Artsey group photo...science student have their creative moments too.

Guelph biological science students go Ninja style

Notre Dame Cathedral

In "Western Business Attire" after the first day of Regional Blocks (sweet name tags!)

The NGOs...and yes, we know our placards are inverted

What should we eat? The menu is in English, French and some Asian language all at the same time.

Da roomies! Went from not knowing each other to sleeping with each other in 12 hours.

Science rules!

SUN!

I love this weather! I went for a ride today, which means I have been able to ride outside for the past 4 days straight in nothing but shorts and jersey! But today it rained on me...however, because it was 23 degrees C outside, the rain was actually rather refreshing and pleasant. It was like a summer rain, one that you actually welcome because you know it won't last long and it cools you down a bit.

This weather is flippin nuts! It should not be above 20 C everyday for over a week in mid march. Back home in BC they are getting snow like you wouldn't believe! For a while I was frustrated because we didn't get any snow here in S. Ontario and I couldn't go for a ski, but now I am stoked!

Also, the club I am riding with this season (because my ankle WILL HEAL in time for me to race) just got the graphic for this year's kit, and it is looking hawt!

Clearly you can see I'm in a good mood today, despite the fact I did some O-chem homework.

Off to make some mac and cheese (not the kind that comes in a box...eww)

Peace like a river

"The best is yet to come"

There were (and still are) thundershower warnings for the day, but they weren't supposed to start until about 5. So I figured a 1 hour 15min ride after my nutrition class would get me home in time, but I was a bit worried that I might get caught in the rain. I hummed and hawed for a bit, checked the weather network about 12 times to make sure nothing was changing, and then finally decided to pull my kit on.

BEST DECISION EVER! You are probably thinking something amazing happened during that 40km ride...well, you would be wrong. Nothing out of the ordinary happened, other than I had one of the best rides I have had since the summer. The wind wasn't too strong, it was 20 degrees Celsius out, but not too sunny and it was humid so the air just felt nice. I raced a bus for about 3 km, and won, I did a few hill repeats and it felt great. There wasn't too much traffic out, so I was able to avoid all the rough patches in pot holes in the road and take the smoothest routes across the train tracks.

What made this ride even better was that my ankle didn't hurt so much and my leg felt strong, allowing me to pedal at a higher cadence and a lot smoother than usual. I actually felt like I was flying, not riding a bike. It was just simply an amazing feeling.

I also just came back from an Athletes in Action seminar (an organization that helps your faith to growth through your sport) and the speaker was John Hood. He is a member of the Hamilton Tiger Cats CFL team. He shared with us his personal story and struggle to make it to the pros, and that not everything worked out the way he had planned. Despite having things get in the way of his dream, he just kept at and kept faith that everything was happening as part of a bigger plan. And that everything that happened to him, although it may have been perceived as a set back or negative when it was happening, actually made him a more determined person and changed his life for the better. 

His talk really helped me to see and begin to understand that maybe everything that is happening and happened to me, namely chronic pain, is actually what is shaping my future and may actually be providing me with a path to reach my dreams. Its not the path I mapped out, but its a path that was hidden and waiting for me, and all I need to is have faith and follow that path, taking each opportunity as it comes and making the most of it.

As John Hood said, "The best is yet to come," and I chose to believe that he is right, and I will not stop working towards my dream of becoming a doctor. Whatever gets in my way is only preparing for what has yet to come.

Just about bit the dust....

I decided to take a break from studying and go for a short 1 hour ride in the lovely sunshine (windy, windy sunshine) today. I was about 2km from home when a car decided to cross the bike lane to go in the right turning lane without shoulder checking...guess who was in the bike lane? Have you ever been so close to almost being hit that your shoulder and hip are touching the passenger window of a car? I just had the pleasure of experiencing that. I for sure thought I was going to crash and that the car was going to run over me, but for some reason I managed to separate myself from the car and stay up right. I'm pretty sure my HR was over 200 (which I would know for sure if my HR monitor was working).

The frustrating thing is, the diver didn't even apologize even though we were stopped at the light side by side. I glared at him for the entire length of the light, but he didn't make eye contact. There is no way he couldn't have noticed that he grazed me with the car because my left hip was most certainly on his passenger side window.

Surprise!

So I got 89.50% on my second organic chem midterm that I wrote on Saturday night....hmmm, I feel like there was possibly a mistake but I'm not honest enough find out.

I seriously thought I failed, really. The night after (so Saturday night) I kept going over and over the exam in my head and realizing the questions that I got wrong and what the answers should have been. Also the fact I had an allergic reaction to something (the incredible morphine scratch your skin off kind of reaction), and there were drunk/high people outside of my house probably didn't help.

At the beginning of the year, my O-chem prof said "Hard Work, Pays Off," in fact the username and password to our course website is just that. I guess she was right, so I should probably not slack off on my work!

Highs and Lows

Sometimes I feel like I'm on top of the world, like everything seems to turn out how I want it to. The past month, so pretty much all of February, has been like that and it was awesome! I got some pretty great results on my first 5 midterms even though I was pretty time pressured for studying, and the training was going really well.

However, as of Thursday, the first day of March things seemed to have begun heading in the other direction. I was really looking forward to finding out the date for my surgery, and then I did...and then I found out that it will most likely be cancelled. I studied for my organic chemistry midterm for 2 weeks straight, I just wrote it this evening and I am not certain that I passed. (Passing being a 75.)

It just sucks. I know you aren't supposed to try an control your future, but when I do my best to try and head down the path I want it just seems like I hit a wall every five feet and have to build a new path to a place that I do not want to go.

Its a date! (maybe)

I'm not talking about the kind of date where you go out to eat dinner with a male counterpart, but the kind where your leg gets cut open.

April 27th is the day my surgery is scheduled for. Except in BC anesthesiologists are working towards a new government contract...and as per usual the government is not responding to said desired contract. If things are not sorted out by April 2, anesthetists are going to refuse to preform any non-elective procedures. My surgery is elective, and therefore will be cancelled.

Seriously, don't anesthetists get paid enough already? I did not 'elect' to be in chronic pain! This makes me angry. Patients before profits?