Next week is the last week of my second year of university, which means that I am almost halfway done my undergrad. I'm scared, because this means that I really need to get my stuff together, I'm not supposed to be naive anymore, I'm supposed to have a plan for my life and be independent. I still feel like I rely on my parents for everything, when something goes wrong or I don't know what to do, they are the first people I call. Essentially I still feel like a kid, even though my age says otherwise (although I can probably still pass for 14).
At this time last year I wrote a post called "So Close I can Almost Taste it" about what my first year was like and how I was amazed that I made it through despite having a curve ball thrown at my head every five minutes. This year seemed a bit easier, but at the same time, I haven't achieved what I though I would be this time in my life. I though I would have a sweet research position this summer, I don't, I'm having surgery and working the same old boring summer job that I had last year. I though I would have been involved in some sort of awesome volunteer gig, and actually be contributing to the world...volunteering at the Bike Centre and being on the Human Rights and Social Justice Council doesn't seem like anything worth talking about. I though that university would be a time when I could thrive, be who I wanted to be and do what I wanted to do. So far, that hasn't happened.
I'm still waiting to hear whether or not I got into Calgary, and word on the street is that I won't know until May. Its major stressing me out and making it much harder to focus on things that I need to like training and school. I 'm about to ship all of my stuff home, only to have to ship it back to Ontario to live with random people that I won't know next year. Also not knowing if my surgery is a definite go is really stressing me out.
I wish things would just work out how I had planned and hoped...I never thought that I wouldn't like UofG, or that I would still need another surgery, or that my surgery may be canceled, and if its not, it may not work.
This post is drastically different from the one I wrote last year, this post isn't full of hope and inspiration, and I'm sorry for that, but this year has pretty much just been one let down after another. So far nothing awesome has happened, I keep think that the awesome thing is coming, but it doesn't seem to.
So here's hoping that I do well on my exams and that I get in to Calgary.
At this time last year I wrote a post called "So Close I can Almost Taste it" about what my first year was like and how I was amazed that I made it through despite having a curve ball thrown at my head every five minutes. This year seemed a bit easier, but at the same time, I haven't achieved what I though I would be this time in my life. I though I would have a sweet research position this summer, I don't, I'm having surgery and working the same old boring summer job that I had last year. I though I would have been involved in some sort of awesome volunteer gig, and actually be contributing to the world...volunteering at the Bike Centre and being on the Human Rights and Social Justice Council doesn't seem like anything worth talking about. I though that university would be a time when I could thrive, be who I wanted to be and do what I wanted to do. So far, that hasn't happened.
I'm still waiting to hear whether or not I got into Calgary, and word on the street is that I won't know until May. Its major stressing me out and making it much harder to focus on things that I need to like training and school. I 'm about to ship all of my stuff home, only to have to ship it back to Ontario to live with random people that I won't know next year. Also not knowing if my surgery is a definite go is really stressing me out.
I wish things would just work out how I had planned and hoped...I never thought that I wouldn't like UofG, or that I would still need another surgery, or that my surgery may be canceled, and if its not, it may not work.
This post is drastically different from the one I wrote last year, this post isn't full of hope and inspiration, and I'm sorry for that, but this year has pretty much just been one let down after another. So far nothing awesome has happened, I keep think that the awesome thing is coming, but it doesn't seem to.
So here's hoping that I do well on my exams and that I get in to Calgary.
No comments:
Post a Comment