Still livin'

Well guys, I survived my first semester at the UofC! I wrote a my last exam today, which wasn't a final, but rather a midterm for organic chem. You see, I am taking organic chem 2 through a distance education university, so I am only slightly more than half way through the course (4 more chapters to go!). So I wrote the midterm today.

I was completely not ready for it, but I think it went okay. I definitely got 0/3 on the naming compounds section, but the rest of it was decent...so I know I didn't fail at least...The last question really threw me though, no where in the 6 units being tested did we learn about this question. I made stuff up, and the chemistry worked...I think...

I also got my bike fixed today, which meant walking around downtown with my bike in -29 degree Celsius weather...yup, you read that right. Welcome to Alberta, it better be warmer when I go home tomorrow, BC better not disappoint!

See y'all in 2013! My next post will be written from training camp in Tuscan Arizona.

Great ideas that aren't mine

I constantly have these ideas about how nerves grow or about how to best manipulate them to grow. My latest one involves exercise. There has to be a reason why my nerves won't stop growing, and there is one thing that I do a lot of that most people with nerve damage do not: exercise. Then last week I read an article about how getting rats with nerve damage to exercise significantly reduced their pain levels. The researchers thought that it was likely do to a reduction in inflammatory mediators as a result of exercise. And I was all like, OMG! Maybe I am on to something, maybe the reduction in inflammatory mediators not only reduces pain but improves axon out growth!!

So then this week, I decided to pub med "exercise and nerve regeneration." As it turns out, I am not the first person to think of this, and there are a lot of journal articles published surrounding this idea. Granted, I did think of this entirely on my own, which I guess is a good start, but the world of neuroscientists has already beat me to it.

I would love to be able to in someway come up a novel idea on my own, to be the first one to think of something, to be the one that figures out how to make nerves grow. If I can do that, then maybe all this pain hasn't been for nothing. I don't believe everything happens for a reason, because there is no reason a two year old needs to get cancer or that I need to have chronic pain. I do believe that you can take any situation, even awful ones, and make something good out of it.

I'll keep thinking, and maybe someday I will figure it out.

Will they see it?

I feel like I am constantly working my tush off to try an impress people I don't know and likely will never meet. I study as hard as I can for everything, 10% tests get as much attention as a 30% test would because everything counts, there is no room for error. I don't skip a training session for any reason, not for pain and not for school because maybe, just maybe tomorrow will be the day that will mean the difference between 3rd and 4th. I try to balance my family, friends, volunteering and goals with my own sanity, but the scales always seemed to be slanted this way or that.

Is this what the rest of my life will be like? Yes I realize that I am trying to get into medical school in the very near yet distant future, but will it always be like this? Once, or if, I am in medical school I know I will be doing everything possible to match into the residency spot that I want, and then I will be trying to match into the fellowship that I want, and the secure a job, and then publish amazing papers....it doesn't end!!!

Right now, my concern is that my medical school applications won't show how hard I have been working. My first year of university shows a GPA that is less than stellar, but an admission committee won't see that I spent all day everyday in hospitals, clinics, doctor appointments, dressing changes, pharmacy line ups, on buses and trains trying to get to far off specialists to prevent my right leg from being amputated. I didn't go to class because I couldn't, so I stayed up every night until the wee hours of the morning copying out notes from my friends and studying for quizzes, midterms, and exams. I worked harder than I have ever worked before, but my GPA doesn't reflect that, and I wasn't involved in the community because I was completely absorbed with trying to save my leg without sacrificing my life. Will the admission committee see that? My guess is not, and if I talk it about, it will seem like I am making up excuses for my grades or trying to seek pity. 

I have for the past 2 tests in  human physiology gotten 96%, which you might be thinking is impressive, and normally I would also think that, however, my school only puts letter grades on your transcript. In the Faculty of Medicine, and A is 90-96 and an A+ is 97-100. When I apply to UBC school of medicine next year, they will see my A, and translate it to 87%. Which is almost 10% lower than my actual grade, so I might as well study less, put less effort in and get 90%. Or if I study that much harder (which when you have chronic pain, there is a distinct line which you cannot cross because your mind doesn't function after a while) and get 97%, and achieve that A+ (which UBC translates to a 95). The whole grading system makes me angry, I work as hard as I possibly can, and nobody will see that.

Is this the life I am choosing? Work yourself until you bleed and nobody even notices that you are bleeding? I know you will say that they will notice, but I disagree, nobody will see how much I achieved in the face of the challenges I have overcome or am still struggling with. They will see my grades, ones that don't even reflect my actual grades, they will see I had no extra-curricular activities for two years and they will judge me against other students who haven't gone through what I have.

I am choosing a life that is against me in every way.

The First Cut

Today I preformed my first surgery, I made my first cut through skin, isolated my first structure and sutured my first wound. It was amazing, and I thought my hands would begin to shake, or that I would falter or feel faint, but I didn't. Probably because this surgery was on a rat, but on Monday when I watched the demo of the surgery, I felt pretty sick. But there is definitely a big difference between watching somebody cut the skin and actually putting the scalpel blade through the skin your self. Even though his heart was beating and he was breathing (and anesthetized), it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be when I made that first cut. 

I completed my animal surgery certificate course today, I assisted my partner with a surgery on Monday, we did post-op together on Tuesday and today was my time to be in the spot light. All I had to do was isolate the jugular vein, which really wasn't that difficult. And those veins are surprisingly stretchy and resilient. The hard part was the suturing, doing the inner layer of tissue was just fine as it was a discontinuous stitch, but doing a continuous buried stitch on the outer layer of skin was really tricky. I kinda suck at it...but it was my first attempt at ever stitching anything ever!!! I'm pretty stoked on life right now though, mostly because I didn't know if  could ever handle doing surgery. I like it, I'm not good at it right now, but I like it.

After my rat was euthanized (I'm not totally okay with shoving a needle full of anesthetic into a rat's heart yet...) I got to isolate the sciatic nerve. Honestly, it was the first nerve that I have ever really seen. Maybe on day I will get to repair one.

I'm pumped to keep studying, get on with my research project (mice officially ordered) and become a doctor! Surgery might still be in my cards, but I need to practice suturing, so, I bought this:

My first suture kit

 The only problem is that I only have 2 packs of sutures, one for fascia and one for skin. So if you know anywhere I can buy sutures, let me know!!

Never the answer?

I always here people say to or about a friend, a loved one or somebody that they don't even know that "Suicide is never the answer." (Before you get your spandex shorts in a knot, this post isn't going to be about me contemplating suicide...in fact it is not about me at all.) When people say things like this I find that it makes me almost irate, not because I think suicide is a good option, but because people who say that is not an answer to your problem clearly have no idea what that person is going through.

Today's post is about how a boy, living in my city, thought it was the only option. This boy's story can be read here and his name is Dom. Dom had chronic pain that started when he was 14, and it progressed to the point where it was so badly controlled, that by the time he was 18 he decided that his only option to end the pain was suicide. And now I bet you are thinking that: "No, there must have been a better option, there must have been treatments....there must have been something other than suicide that would ease his pain!" Well, my friends, as somebody who has chronic pain, you are eventually told that there is nothing more that can be done to help you, other than physical and emotional therapy. See, Dom was a teenager, and chronic pain is something that people, let alone other teenagers, can rarely comprehend. They don't understand why you can't just get out of bed and go to that party on Friday night or why you can't go shopping after school. Unless you have chronic pain, you cannot understand what it is like (even if you are a doctor, or a medical student or a personally know somebody with the disease).

Dom made the decision to end the pain because our medical and social system failed him. The only thing that kept me out of the depths of isolation and depression when it all first started for me was that I had teachers who had chronic pain, the fact I was at a boarding school where I was constantly surrounded by people making isolation impossible, I had a doctor who tried absolutely everything to help me and I had my bike. I was lucky to be where I was at the time...luck, pure luck, and without it, I don't know where I would be. Dom was completely imprisoned by pain, without doctors to fight for him or friends to pull him out of the depths of blinding pain. If you where him, would you be okay with having your mom spoon feed you for the rest of your life? Would you be okay with asking you sister to help you put on your socks at 18 years old? I wouldn't.

So don't judge somebody when they decide that taking their own life is the only solution, because for them it just might be. For me, I had decided to find my own solution, to spend my life in the lab trying to fix this problem. I still have hope, Dom didn't. I can tell you that even if you believe people who commit suicide go to hell (which I absolutely don't), hell might just be better than having every inch of your body be on fire all the time.

Just think about it for a moment, what would you honestly do in Dom's situation?

Laughter

The best thing about volunteering at a Children's Hospital is laughter. Its my job, to make the kids, nurses, parents and doctors laugh. When you are volunteering in a respite/palliative setting and with children, the best thing that  I can do for them is to make them laugh. Today I played Uno Jenga with a patient, a nurse, a nursing aid and a doctor. We were having so much fun that we even drew a couple of parents and other patients out of their rooms to see what was going on. I left my shift today and walked out of the door with everybody laughing and smiling. I can only hope that when I am a doctor, I will be able to do the same, to go home everyday knowing that the last person I talked to was either laughing or smiling when I walk out the door. 

Medical Monday 1

Hey everybody! So this my first Medical Monday, and it is also my first Monday not being a teenager! Yup, I turned 20 yesterday, so I am officially old. I know a lot of people reading this are probably older than me, but I just joined the club.

Today's Medical Monday is going to be about hands. We can do a lot with our hands, we can make things, we can use them as a musical instrument and among other things, we can use them to comfort somebody. I will never forget the moment when my GP put his hand on my back to help me sit up after an exam a few years ago when I was dealing with a pretty severe illness. It was a simple gesture, but that moment he went from being a doctor to being a friend, from being the person with the prescription pad to being a comforting presence. Its a pretty incredible thing that we can do with our hands.

On Friday, I went to my volunteer shift at the Children's Hospital. For about an hour, I just held this four year old boy (he was about the size of a two year old, and developmentally a year). We read stories, but mostly we just cuddled, and he would smile and giggle. There was an other girl, B, and she has her good days and her bad days. Friday was a bad day and on bad days, B doesn't stop yelling, screaming and crying (she is a non-verbal communicator). The morning was actually going pretty good until music therapy...then it all went down hill. So I took her to the sun-room, where she continued to scream until I started to gently rub her back, and then she stopped. As soon as I removed my had, she would start crying again, so I kept rubbing her back until she fell asleep, and then once she was asleep I wheeled her back to her room as quiet as humanly possible.

People seem to have this notion that medicine is about learning about diseases and treatments, and that patients are their disease. I am even guilty of this thinking and I'm not even in medical school yet, but there is something more to medicine than just that. People say that their doctor is amazing because they not only make correct diagnosis but they actually listen, and don't get me wrong, that definitely adds up to some respect points in my book. I think though, that we easily forget that sometimes all people really need from medicine is a comforting hand.

I encourage you, if you are a doctor, want to be a doctor or have anything remotely do with the lives of people who are ill, terminal or are just having a crappy day to extend your hand to them and bring them a sense of comfort that drugs and other treatments cannot. That is real medicine.

Life of a Kid

I had to attend a palliative care training course today, it was depressing, but also opened my eyes to how important the role of a volunteer can be for an individual at the end of life and for my volunteer situation, a family. I volunteer at a pediatric hospice, but its 80% respite care and 20% end of life. I haven't actually been there yet when there was a kid and family there for end of life care, I have just played games and done fun things with kids who have pretty severe and disabling conditions. Every kid that comes through the door (unless they are a sibling) are technically considered to be palliative meaning that they have shortened life spans, but are not necessarily actively dying.

Today also happens to be the anniversary of a pretty tragic death in my own hometown. On this day, 8 years ago, a boy named Chris, who was a year older than me, passed away from a quading accident. We used to play on the same soccer team every year and went to the same school. He was an amazing athlete and would have gone far in life. He was airlifted to Calgary, and stayed overnight in the ICU, and I can remember our principal the next morning going around to each classroom telling us what had happened. It was hard, at 11 years old, to wrap my head around somebody my own age dying from something that kids do everyday in my town, from something so simple as quading at the ski hill with some friends after school. Its hard not to think of who he would have become if the accident didn't happen.

I wish that these kids I play with on Friday mornings could have the chance to grow up to be something amazing, that they would be able to fulfill their dreams.Today was the kind of day that really makes you think about life, and instead of thinking about why bad things happen to people, I am thinking about why they didn't happen to me. Why am I so lucky to be celebrating my 20th birthday in a week when some kids don't even make it to their 5th, 10th, or 16th birthday?

I just need to focus on giving it 110% everyday on behalf of those who cannot.

Peace Like a River.

We Day Alberta 2012

Yesterday was a pretty amazing, fun, inspiring and exhausting day, and I didn't even skip a class. You might be wondering what I was doing on a school day that was so totally awesome...so I will just tell you.

Yesterday, Oct.24/12 was the first ever We Day Alberta!! What is why day you ask? We Day is a huge event put on for youth across Canada and is Me to We's signature event. Me to We is a branch of Free the Children, which is a non-profit organization started in Canada when Craig Keilburger was just 12 years old. It has grown into this massive organization with the motto of "kids helping kids." Its all about bringing food security, education, clean water and health care to children across the world, with a large portion of its funds being raised and donated by youth across Canada. We Day is all about the youth of the world, and inspiring them to "Be the change." You can't buy a ticket to We Day, you have to earn it through service.

Because I am no longer a youth, I couldn't attend We Day. So, instead, I decided to  volunteer, and even better, I signed up to be a Crowd Pumper. On Saturday we had our first training session where we learned the We Day Dance, and our flash mob routine. During our 4 hour Saturday session, we were unknowingly showing the head Crowd Pumpers April and Gabby that we could strut our stuff. So when we had our final training session on Tuesday night, I found out that I had been selected to be on the FLOOR!!!!! Apparently I have dance skills (lolz), but I think it was more like I had a lot of energy and that I dance like nobody is watching me. Non the less, I was given a floor section to pump up right in the first section in front of the stage!!! My job was to make sure everybody was up and dancing, having a good time and getting them to break out of their shell. So basically I had an all day dance party.

It was exhausting with all the cheering and dancing, but also crazy fun and inspiring. Seeing 18,000 youth come together to celebrate each other and be inspired to change the world was simply breath taking. Not to mention seeing Hedley, Shawn Desmen, Lights, Marianis Trench rock it on stage, all the while being inspired by Martin Sheen, Larry King (yes, that is right, the King himself), Marc and Craig Keilburger (Founders of Me to We and Free the Children), Liz Murray (homeless to Harvard) and SPENCER WEST! I even got to high five Marc Keilburger. The day was actually too awesome to really describe, and I am so thankful that I got to be a part of it.

Me to We has just recently added a new volunteer trip to Ghana, and when I saw the video and listened to the talk about I started to cry. I miss Ghana so much, and I think about going back at least six times a day. My mom is lucky enough to be leading a group of high school students there this spring (and gets to go for free!) with EF Tours and Me to We. I am super jealous.

Being a crowd pumper and having chronic pain was a bit of a challenge, every time I jumped and landed it was horrible, but there was so much energy in the room that it didn't even matter. I had a job to do, GET THE CROWD PUMPED UP! So I did it with every ounce of enthusiasm that I had, I even managed to have enough energy left over for class...and by that I mean I only fell a sleep for a few seconds during pharmacology....

Stoked to be part of We Day next year, and maybe sometime in the future figure out a way to get myself back to Ghana.

Floor Crowd Pumper Crew, Power of We

My New Besty Amanda

Much Music Booth with some fellow Crowd Pumpers (I'm the one wearing the tie)

From Two to Zero

My Grandpa from my Mom's side of the family passed away on Tuesday night. My brother and I jumped in the car on Monday night and drove 3 hours through the night to see him before he died. Unfortunately, when we saw him on Tuesday morning he was completely sedated. The man I saw lying in that bed struggling to breathe was not my my Grandpa.

He was the most incredible man I have ever met. He grew up in a National Park, and lived and worked in the same valley his whole life. He cut trails up to mountain lakes on horse back, gave valley kids their first plane ride, flew hunters into remote areas, rescued people on the ski hill, was a Mason, he built houses and cabins by hand, owned a Chrysler dealership and was known by all of his famous stories.  I am grateful for all of our rides on horse back, and for all of the stories he told around the dinner table.

He is the kind of man who's stories will stick around forever, he is the kind of man who is thought of as a legend. His life seemed almost like a fairytale from some children's book. He was the perfect mountain man, he knew how to survive off the land but also how to lend a hand.

In the span of four months, I went from having two Grandpa's to none.

I am pretty bitter that I can not attend his memorial service because they put it on a Tuesday. WHO PUTS A FUNERAL ON A TUESDAY???? They are expecting over 300 people to be in attendance, which is pretty much the entire valley.

 

Training

I pretty much completely stopped training August and then September wasn't so great either, but now that I am part of the High Performance program at the Olympic Oval, I'm back into 100% full bore training plan. I can see what my coach is trying to do, build up the endurance side of things before it snows, then do some testing and then jump into a winter of interval training. But my legs hurt for real after riding 3.5hrs on Saturday and 3 hrs on Sunday. Today is a rest day, and then tomorrow we are back on the bike with another 3 hr ride.

I did actually manage to finish that health and society paper that I wrote about last Friday, and I did learn a few things about myself.  I am one of those people who don't employ any method of coping strategy to deal with the pain, which likely means that I have accepted that it will always be there and that there is no point fighting. I just live my life like I don't have pain, even though I'm pretty sure if somebody was actually using a scalpel to cut open my leg right I wouldn't be able to tell.

Wiriting About Pain

I had to chose a topic for my Health and Society unit research paper. I thought about the whole shabang of health related issues (okay, I didn't think about all of them because that would take FOREVER), and I ended up settling on what I know best, Chronic Pain. I started off wanting to focus on the young adult population, but there is far more research on the adolescent population. And lets face it people, there is no point making an assignment harder than it should be, sometimes you just have to start writing and go where the sea of journal articles takes you.

It is interesting writing on a topic focused on a population that only two short years ago I belonged to. I didn't have chronic pain until my last year of high school, and it was brutal. As I wind my way through the research articles, there is one idea that keeps on coming up, adaptation to pain. People who have lower perceived quality of life and higher scores on depression scales are focusing their lives around ending the pain, rather than living with it. I can attest that focusing completely on the pain and finding new ways to get rid of it consumes your every thought. The pain starts to literally rule your life, and that's how it was when it first started for me. For the first two months, I avoided wearing shoes (I wore flips flops in December and January, and yes, I live in Canada) I rarely went out for our team group rides and I was less involved with my school life. Then one day I woke up and decided that enough was enough, that no matter how much it hurt I wasn't going to stop doing something. Even though my pain levels increased, I was happier.

They call this adaptive behavior. Rather than avoiding the pain, you adapt your life and actions to include the pain. Its like your annoying little brother that follows you around all day, you can't get rid of him, so you have to do things that also include him.

I always wondered why the pain doesn't seem to get under my skin (that often), and it's because I somehow learned to adapt to the pain. I will probably never give up on new ways to try and get rid of the pain, but in the mean time, I know how to live with it.

I found this book conveniently on display in the library today, so naturally I signed it out. Its odd holding a textbook about yourself...

BOOM

I just wrote my first test of the year. (Aside from the MCAT.)

Bomb it. I couldn't remember any of the 5 elements of the Population Health Approach. Turns out they are:
1. Target the whole population (duh, I didn't put that because I assumed that was a given)
2. Focus on promotion (I got that one)
3. Multi-sectorial/factorial (got that one too)
4. Participatory (couldn't remember at all, knew it started with a P though)
5. Evidence-based decision making (blanked)

For realze, I got 2/5 on that question. And that was just one question. There were only 8 questions and I am guessing the whole thing was only worth about 30...so yeah, screwed.

But seriously, who asks you to list five elements? That doesn't test if you know how to use them, just if you can memorize a list. So stupid. I likely got a lot more wrong. Meaning I probably got about 80% which folks, is not a grade that I can have in my program.

Also the Calgary grading scheme is wacko. We don't have percentages, only letter grades and each faculty gets to determine what percent equates to what grade.Naturally, in my program we have a harder grading scheme (I lied, that shouldn't be natural!):
A+ = 97 other faculties its 90
A = 90 (other faculties its 85)
A- =85 (other faculties its 80)
B+ = 80

GHAAAAAA. So I bet ya 10 buckaroos that I will get a B+ :(

The Scores Are In

Today, at precisely 2:54pm Mountain Standard time I checked my MCAT score. (Which you know, I also attempted to check at 12:05pm,1:21pm and 2:17pm because I am a premed and we are obsessed with stuff like this. We can't help it.) All day, since walking in to the Health Sci building at 8:30am, its all I could think about, and I had butterflies in my stomach up until I checked to see if the scores were posted at 2:50. For some reason, I was totally okay with getting a below 30 score. It didn't matter to me anymore, because it is just a test, a test that I can take again. Next time with more food...

But,  I bet you are all dying to here what my score is, so drum-roll please....
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And no, there is no specific pattern in my ellipses use. Stop being so neurotic you pre-meds!
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I'm not going to tell you what my score is. Sorry guys, its just you know, a thing that I want to share with my friends and family. I don't want anybody to be offended or feel like they are a God if they did better or just a mere mortal if they did worse. SERIOUSLY GUYS ITS JUST ONE TEST! And yeah, I know it seems like the most important test you will ever take, but lets face it, there is no single most important test in your life. Except maybe that drug test your National Sport Doping Control Agency asks you take...that's pretty darn important.

So if you got your score back and are disappointed with it, chill, study smarter (not necessarily harder) and write it again. Take a year off if you have graduated, get a sweet job, travel and volunteer. No matter how good or how awful your score is, its the person, not the number(and letter) that counts.

I will tell you that my score is probably good enough for all of the Canadian schools that I want to go to. Lets just say, I got the same composite score as my room-mate (with a higher writing sample score) and she is currently in her first year of medicine. I surprised myself with my PS score, way higher than I expected, met my VR expectations and disappointed with my BS score. (Remember the whole MCAT fiasco where I majorly bonked and felt like passing out during the BS section? Yeah, I blame that.) But, my score was fairly even across the board, so its solid, and I'm 75% happy with it.

I will apply next summer/fall for the Fall 2014 intake, and if I don't get in, then maybe I will consider rewriting. But for now, I plan on keeping my MCAT stuff in a box, and not looking at.

Remember, relax. For y'all who are type A personalities, just take a step back, and look at the whole picture. When people chuck baseballs at you, learn to use a bat and hit one back at em'. (I will let you interpret that metaphor on you own, you are a smart cookie.)

Peace like a river

Thoughts

Everyday there are certain things that I think about on an almost clock like cycle: eating, homework/school, ways to regrow nerves, eating, biking, eating, and homework. You would think that my mind would be constantly focused and consumed by the pain I am in every minute of every day, but its not, I rarely think about the pain. Yes, I perceive agonizing pain every waking and sometimes sleeping minute of my life, but I don't actively think about it. I find that odd, that I am somehow able to block out my ability to reason why I am in pain. I figured it was because I have just come to terms with the fact that my leg will feel like its being cut open by a scalpel forever, but I don't think that is true. Lately I have been thinking about one thing more than I have been thinking about food (which might explain the weight loss),  amputation.

I know my options for treatment are running out, and I don't want to spend the rest of my life in pain knowing that there might have been a solution to end my pain, even if it means hacking off my leg. Every time I think about it, (which has been a lot seeing as it have now surpassed my thoughts about food) I weigh the positives with the negatives. They always end up cancelling each other out, leaving me at a net score of zero. Then I forget about for a few hours, and then come back to it trying to approach the idea at some sort of new angle, trying to add in pros and cons to maybe tip the scales. So far, I end up with a score of 5 for hacking and 5 for keeping, which is a tie.

Unfortunately, we don't have shootouts in decision making.

Settling In?

I'm starting to settle into my class schedule and with that comes a new study schedule, which has already involved a lot of time in the library. I really like being able to just walk across the street to get to class because I can come home for lunch when I have time or come home for dinner and then head back to the library.

I'm really trying to stay on top of all of my work this year, and not letting myself put off learning and solidifying topics until the week before a midterm. A lot of my tests and major assignments coincide together, so I won't have time to prepare for them adequately if I only start really learning the material right before the test.

The prof that we currently have for physiology (thankfully he only has a total of 3 lectures) doesn't really speak English. I believe he is Chinese (but I could be wrong) and undoubtly really knows his stuff, but his accent is super thick and he literally doesn't move his jaw when he talks (his teeth never separate) so he his insanely difficult to understand. Even more unfortunately, he is teaching part of the neurophysiology unit, which has some pretty complex concepts to understand and very specific terminology. Afferent and Efferent sound exactly the same when he say them...unfortunately they are exact opposites and it is pretty crucial that you understand which one he is talking about. As a result, I spent a total of 4 hours yesterday teaching myself the material from Wednesday's lecture. It is incredibly unfortunate that we also have him for today's lecture and one next week (so I'm looking at 8 hours of teaching myself the material).

Even though I am settling in to my condo, and now have some friends to sit with in all of my classes I have this incredible urge to just run away and go somewhere. I want to go back to Africa so badly, I also really want to go to Nepal and I honestly wouldn't mind hiking through the mountains in my own backyard. I feel restless, and I have only been here 3 weeks.

I wish I could take the summer off, and just travel, but I also want to spend the summer doing research. I always feel like I am being pulled in two directions, to the right is school and my aspirations of getting into medschool and to the left is my desire to go back to Africa and to see the world. I don't know which way to go, but I always find myself saying that someday I will have the time and the money to travel and right now is the time for school. But will I have time someday? They say your life is the most simple right now, and tomorrow it will only be more complicated.

Things I miss

I'm really enjoying all of my classes here at uCalgary, and I am starting to make some friends (at least I think and hope). People in my program are a bit stuck up and a little bit clicky, so its not the easiest task. I feel like I made a dozen good friends in Guelph in a week back in first year.

Today it really hit me that I miss Guelph. As I was desperately running around and trying to complete my research award application before the 4pm deadline today, all I could think about were my friends back in Guelph.

So, here is a list of things that I miss about Guelph:
1. Friends, especially my twin KH
2. The abundance of Gluten Free food on campus
3. The Bullring (which is an extension of #2)
4. The Guelph Transit system and the bus drivers that were oh so nice
5. Proximity of grocery stores and grocery stores that had an abundance of Gluten Free products
6. The Bookshelf
7. Seeing familiar faces everywhere I go
8. UGC (University of Guelph Cycling Team)
9. The UOG campus in general, both the atmosphere and the people
10. The idea that I am missing out on sharing moments in lives of the people that I love, that I am missing out on those stairwell conversations with my room-mates and that we will all slowly grow apart.

Thing I like about Calgary:
1. Smaller class sizes
2. I feel like profs actually want to get to know me, and some of them already do
3. I am being presented with countless opportunities that I would have never gotten had I stayed in Guelph, such as research, research funding, amazing mentors and awesome volunteer opportunities
4. Being closer to home and especially my Grandmother who is still coping with the loss of my Grandpa
5. My condo's proximity to my classes

As you can see, so far there are more things that I miss about Guelph than things that I like about Calgary. I almost feel like I made the wrong decision to go to Guelph in the first place, not because it was a horrible experience or that I regret spending two years there, its that I didn't realize how much I would miss it and miss people. This move turned out to be harder than I thought...

Pause for a listen

When I was in the 11th grade, I was completely amazed by our Head Girl - Emily Reid. Check out her new album to find out why:

Its an amazing song and the rest of her album is pretty great too.

Coming Together

It seems like everything in my life is coming together nicely now that I am in Calgary. I feel less panicky, I don't feel like there is constantly something that I need to be doing all the time in order to shape me into the perfect med-school applicant.

My research position is all set up, I know what my project is and I have completed my portion of the research award application.

I have met and spoken with my program coordinator, and he seems confident that I will do well in the Biomed program here. I was a bit worried about his class, but I didn't know that it involved a lot of lab time and hands on research. I very excited about it because I would have never gotten the opportunity to do a hands on research class like this in Guelph. I will be learning cloning techniques, experimental design, tissue culture and basically all of the lab techniques that I will need to use.

I also just got a volunteer position at the Rotary Flames House at the Alberta Children's Hospital. This isn't your average gift hospital gift shop position. I get to interact with palliative care patients and their families as well as children in respite care. I'm pretty excited about it.

I also have a meeting with the head coach at the National Cycling Centre Calgary tomorrow morning to discuss the possibility of me going through classification to become a para-cyclist. If I am able to be classified, that would be simply amazing. I'm at a huge disadvantage competing against able bodied cyclists, which at times can be very frustrating because I know that no matter how hard I train my body won't let me be at that level.

I think everything is working out in my life now that I am in Calgary. Maybe it was a bad decision not to start out here in first year, but I don't regret my time in Guelph. I am glad that I am here now, and I intend to make the most of it.

Canadian Style

As you know, I wrote the MCAT yesterday, and lets just say it the organization on the part of the testing centre wasn't too awesome.

I don't think my score will be "top"

Like the AAMC said, I arrived 30 min prior to my start time. When I walked up to the building at 7:25 am there was a group of about 15 students standing around outside in the 5 degree morning light. After a while we all started to get anxious because it was almost 8 and the doors were still not open. Eventully, a jolly man came out and said "Oh, the doors are locked. We were starting to wonder where all of you were..."

And if that doesn't set the stage for the morning, let me continue.

We all gathered inside a smallish room that only had 5 chairs, in which the jolly man told us they were having computer troubles and that number 16 wasn't working at all, and that they couldn't find the cord to set up the Prometric registration. Because there were only 20 computers and 20 test takers, one computer going down meant that one person wouldn't get to write.

Slowly, they called us in groups of three out of another computer lab to get registered, and we were all hoping that we wouldn't randomly be assigned computer number 16. There were only 3 people left in the room when my name was called, so my chances of getting number 16 was increasing every minute. Once I left the holding room and walked into the room where we originally started I found the 6 people who were called 15 minutes prior to me just sitting there, still waiting to be registered. At this point, it was 8:30.  A few people had already started writing and we all began to realize that it was going to be a very long day.

Once I eventually made into the registration room, myself along with 4 others were sat down at table next to the Prometric registration. The jolly man who looked a bit like Santa Clause walked in: "We only have 4 working computers left not including number 16 which has already been assigned to an unfortunate sole."

So, my first reaction and verbal vomit was "But there are 5 of us..." The man just nodded in agreement. So, you have 5 premeds in a tiny room, all stressed out and already over 1.5hrs behind schedule being told that one of them wouldn't get to write. Eventually, one of the others volunteered to wait until a computer was fixed by somebody in Baltimore or write at a later date. I was shocked by the civility that we all displayed under such circumstance, but we had already spent 2 hours talking with each other by that point and were on our way to becoming pretty good friends. I must add that I am very thankful to have had other pre-meds to talk to while I waited. If I was all alone going through that, I might have had a nervous breakdown. Everybody was pretty chill, maybe that's the Canadian way of handling stressful situations, just let it ride.

Eventually, I was in the hot seat going through the Prometric registration. For some reason, my right hand finger prints kept coming up as belonging to a member of the British Army. So, after sorting that out, which to took a considerable amount of time, my finger prints, drivers license, and photo were all registered. I was assigned computer number 12, which was thankfully working.

By 10 am I was registered and ready to write, but the guy beside me was more than 2 sections ahead of me. I was moderately flustered starting the Physical Sci section because of everything that had happened earlier. So when I encountered a difficult question, it threw me off more than it usually does. The end result I believe will be that I did not achieve a 10 on the PS section. It was hard, really, really hard and it didn't seem to reflect any of the practice tests in any way.

I thought that VR was actually reasonable and very similar to the AAMC verbal. I finished with 7 extra minutes and was able to go back over the time consuming questions that required going back to the passage and I think (and hope) that I was able to correct some mistakes before the time limit. By the time I fnished VR, it was already past noon. I didn't bring enough food to be there past 1:30 and I was starting to get really hungry. I only brought a few pieces of fruit, 4 granola bars, 1 chocolate bar and a can of vinalla coke. I wasn't planning on eating all of that, but I was down to only 2 granola bars, a chocolate bar and my coke after VR. Needless to say, my next biggest concern was running out of food.

Thankfully, the writing sample prompts were manageable, but for me, the writing section is exhausting. Also, the guy beside me was completely finished before I got half way through my first writing prompt. And by the time I finished the second, my stomach was literally growling.

So, before the Biosci section I scarfed down the remaining food that I had and drank half a can of Vanilla Coke (which I would like to point out is not sold in Canada, so I reserve it for special occasions only). Halfway through Biosci I stated to get a headache. I eat a lot on a normal basis, and my body doesn't respond well to not having enough calories, so basically, I bonked halfway through Biosci. Also, it seemed like all the questions in Biosci did not require any background knowledge in biology and it was really just based on interpreting the passages, which is nothing like the practice AAMC exams so I have no ability to predict how well I did.

At 3pm, I walked out the testing centre into a rain and hail storm, 2 hours behind schedule, shaking from hunger. As you may have guessed, it was not the best day of my life. I am fairly certain that I did not get a 30, I'm predicting a 28 at best. Which is very disappointing because I really don't want to have to write it again. Maybe I would have done better if the morning had gone smoother, maybe not, one thing for sure is that I was pretty flustered starting the test and completely bonkered ending it.

Next time I write, maybe I will do it Montana, and just submit to the metal detector and body pat down that goes against privacy laws in Canada. I appreciate the relaxed atmosphere that the testing centre and staff had, but it was a bit stressful.

Peace Like a River

Ready or Not?

Tomorrow is my last day to study, as per the recommendation of Examkrackers I shouldn't even be studying tomorrow, but I have few more things to review. Really, I could review until I'm 30 years old and I still wouldn't feel ready. 

I'm hoping for a 30, and if I could manage a 32 I might actually have a heart attack. I'm going to give it my best shot on Saturday, and I know that no matter what my score is, it was the best that I could do given the time that I had to study. There is no shame in needing to write it more than once, I would just prefer not to have to go through this torture again. 

In other news, I meeting with my lab supervisor and one of his new MSc students on Friday to go over what my research project will be. Its looking like something along the lines of a tumour suppressor knock down and then looking at the function recovery of an injured nerve. I'm really hoping that I get USRP funding, otherwise my move to Calgary might have been for nothing. (Missing out on the Human Anatomy Dissection class at Guelph is a bit of a bummer, but I am going to get into medical school someday and I will get to learn anatomy the way it has been taught for centuries.)

If you have any extra available brain power on Saturday between 8 am and 2pm  Mountain Standard Time, please direct it my way.

Peace Like a River

5 days

When I read or hear about how other people are hoping for a 35 on the MCAT my jaw pretty much falls out of my head. I wish I had that kind of realistic expectations.

Today is the first time that my AAMC practice exam has cracked 30. I got my first 10 on PS, and I am stoked beyond belief. I know that one exam isn't necessarily predictive of my score, but it I think it gave me the confidence boost that I really need. I scored another solid 11 of BS and unfortunately a 9 on VR. Hopefully that will also be a 10 on Saturday.

My goal of getting a 30 isn't unrealistic, and it pretty much meets the average score for most schools other than UWO. 

7 Days

Yesterday was my last day of work for the summer. I was the first summer student to leave our department, the other 3 suckers still have a week left, but they had a little going away party for all of us anyway. They got us a cake and me my own mini gluten free cake which was pretty awesome. My job wasn't too exciting but I am nonetheless grateful for the experience that it provided. I am a super passive person with a backbone made of soup, and this job forced me to toughen up and make my backbone more like the consistency of jello. Every opportunity is a chance to learn, maybe I didn't have any super awesome volunteer experiences this summer, but I did learn how to deal with people who are less than happy to hear your voice. People are grumpy and angry all over the world, this summer I learned how to deal with them all day.

I am now in Calgary, and I have 7 days until the MCAT. I am really, really scared. I did another practice exam today, AAMC #5, and I got a 29 :( My Physical Science score went back down to an 8....and I am really disappointed. Usually its physics that gets me, but this time it was chemistry. My Verbal Reasoning score is back up to a 10 (thank goodness!) and I intend to keep it there if not get it higher. And Biological Science is currently at an 11 (yippee!).

I have seven days to learn what ever it is that I don't know in physical science and there is still room for improvement on biosci.

For those of you out there also preparing to take the MCAT in the near but distant future, I wish you luck. We are all in this together, the pursuit of becoming a doctor is not an easy one and it is designed to weed out the weak. This is just the first of many walls that we will have to climb.

"The brick wall isn't there to keep us out, its there to show us how badly we want something." - Randy Pausch

Adventures Through MCAT Land

And were are back to talking about the MCAT...sorry guys, but right now, studying is literally my life. I have these Examkrackers Audio Osmosis on my iPod, so at work I literally listen to physics, chemistry, orgo or bio for the 9 hours that I am at work. I don't know if it helps at all, but I can't bare to waste 9 hours of everyday sitting at a desk NOT STUDYING! So I listen...with the hopes that I will remember something useful.

I wrote another practice MCAT today, did the best I have done in a combined VR and BS score...and the worst I have done in physical sciences. I literally did better a month ago, and that was before I had gotten through all of the chem and physics lectures....

I have two weeks left to pull it all together....

But I have some tips if you are also studying for the MCAT and are looking to do better on verbal reasoning section:

1. Buy the Examkracker verbal reasoning technique book and the 101 verbal book

2. Study form both books, and do the tests in a timed fashion with the Examkracker methods

3. IT IS ALL ABOUT THE MAIN IDEA

4. Pause after you read the passage, close your eyes and formulate a sentence about the main idea, then proceed to the questions

5. Take a 5-10 second break between each passage, just breath and imagine your self doing something that you love. I imagine my self riding my bike

6. Keep practising

I wish you the best of luck! 

Heading off to learn the last lecture in orgo and then review some physics. 

Peace like a river. 

The Circle of Life

As some of you may or may not know, my Grandpa passed away two weeks ago. He had an amazing life, did amazing things for people and ultimately left the world a better place.

Today was his "Celebration of Life," which is basically just a happier version a funeral and sans burial.  My brother and I both spoke, and neither of us cried! We both even managed to make a few people chuckle and few people cry. It was a really great service, and the pastor at my Grandparent's church is simply amazing. It was a bit exhausting though....having to constantly meet people and have them tell me how wonderful he was all day...it was constant reminder that he is gone. I will miss him, but I am trying to remember that this is a time to rejoice in the difference he made in the lives of others rather than a time of mourning.

Yesterday, (Friday) I went to Vancouver to see my surgeon, Dr. B, again for a follow up. He was a bit puzzled by the fact that it is still swollen to the point where you can leave a thumb imprint in my ankle (it literally stays there for 5 minutes...its kinda freaky) and the fact that I have throbbing pain...but overall pleased that my nerve pain is better. He said that it could be possible that the nerve is growing into my bone....great. He is sending a e-mail to Dr. S Mackinnon in St. Louis who first preformed the procedure to see if she knows what might be going on...she is also pretty much my hero.

Dr. B saw that I was studying for the MCAT (I was working through the 1001 MCAT physics questions before my appointment), laughed and said that he can't remember anything from the MCAT because he blocked it from his memory. So...I guess it is that bad...

Racing the Tour de Bowness Crit on Monday morning, wish me luck! (Not crashing would be nice, but this course has some pretty nasty pavement and a hill section.)

Side note: I gave an elderly homeless man on Robson St in down town Vancouver (it is the shopping street of the city) $50. I don't really know why, but I even went back and re-crossed the street to give it to him. I haven't really ever felt compelled to give somebody that much money before for no apparent reason, but I just felt like I really needed to. Maybe it was my Grandpa talking...I don't know.

Peace like a river

Gone? Never?

I don't think I have CRPS...at least I hope I don't, but my pain never really seems to go away. I had one month of relief the first month after the surgery...but while my nerve pain is less (but slowly creeping back) it has been replaced by this deep awful throbbing pain.

Does pain for people like us really ever go away, or is it just something that is going to be a part of my life until I die? I know nobody can answer this question, but I wish they could. I really wish they could.

On a happy note, this is my first post from my new Dell XPS 14! Yeah, I know what you are thinking...why didn't I  buy a Mac? Well, you see consumers of the world, Apple has one of the worst CSR policies on earth. Not too long ago there was a fire at one of their factories in China and people literally burned to death because there were bars on the windows and they couldn't get out. My concious won't let me buy an Apple product...they may be cool, but so is my new Dell...which also happen to come in enviro-friendly bamboo packaging. Way to go Dell!!

Peace like a river.

MCAT Prep + Racing

I raced 2/3 stages of the Rundle Mountain Stage Race this past weekend in Canmore, Alberta. We started off the morning at with a time trial at the Nordic Centre. The race was on their roller ski paths which was amazing because you didn't have to worry about traffic or anything. Unforunately, on Friday I took my bike into get my gears tuned up a bit as they were shifting a bit un-smoothly, put it in the car and didn't ride until Saturday morning before the TT. I don't know what they did to it, but I only had a choice of 3 cogs, middle, top and bottom. Safe to say my TT didn't go well, but when I was able to max out my gearing and put the hammer down, my legs felt strong. It was nice to feel strong again and feel like the power I put into my legs actually gets to the pedals.

In the afternoon was the Crit downtown. It poured for the women's race. I got dropped about half way through, but stuck it out in the pouring rain. There were a lot of crashes, both in my race and all of the other categories. At least 2 bad crashes per race, some had more than 5 guys crashing out. Even though I didn't place very well, my body still felt pretty good and I felt pretty strong. A lot of people after the race told me I was amazing because I pretty much rode half the race by myself in the pouring rain, and I didn't just ride, I rode hard.

Sunday night I went to the Mother Mother concert at the Coca-cola stage at the Calgary Stampede (100 years!) with a friend from high school. It was one crazy mosh pit...and if you know Mother Mother, you know that they are considered an 'alternative band' not a screamo mosh pit crowd surfing kind of band. Anyway, bye the time the concert was over, at least 3 people fell on my from above, I was covered in mud (it poured and the standing area is/was grass) and I had to throw out my shoes. It was fun, but also very, very painful. I can't count the times somebody stepped on my foot wearing cowboy boots, those things should be band from mosh pit like situations...

MCAT? What MCAT? Oh, right, the one I should be studying for instead of doing all of the above activities (including writing this blog). I am so screwed... starting to feel sick to my stomach about it actually.

The Swell

I haven't posted in a while because I have been super busy with that thing called work and that other thing called the MCAT, neither of which I fully enjoy. I have been spending a fair amount of time on my bike and the weather is beginning to look a bit more like summer...which is nice because I had clean my bike 4 times a week there for a while.

I bet you are wondering about my good ol' leg eh? Well, truth be told, so I am and so are my doctors. My whole leg below the knee is swollen and spongy like (yuck) with some nice vascular changes (aka my veins are popping out) and a heck of a lot of pain. Now, I know what you are thinking...I should probably stop riding my bike right? Wrong. Cycling doesn't make the pain any worse or any better, but it keeps the muscle spasms in check and keeps me from going insane, so really I don't see any good reason to stop riding.

I have another appointment with my family doc this week...I have pretty much seen him or his locum every week for the past month. There is something not right about what is going on, after the neuroma resection 2 years ago (almost exactly) I knew something wasn't right and everybody just kept telling me it was fine. Then I almost had a below the knee amputation...I don't want to repeat that, this time I am not settling for "don't worry."

On a completely different note, I almost had a heart attack today (not really, but my heart rate went to about 205). I was out for a ride on my usual 65km route, I was just starting up a bit of a hill when all of a sudden this giant thing ran out of the forest 20 feet in front of me, across the road and into the forest on the other side. That is the first time in a while that I have seen a bear whilst out on my bike. It scared me a lot because it wasn't very big, meaning that mama bear might be around waiting to pounce and I was going up hill with a head wind having only spandex for protection. I live in a rural area (obviously) and bears aren't exactly a new phenomena (I'm really not afraid of them) but today seeing that bear with nobody but lil' me around made me realize how vulnerable I really am on my bike.

Pro tip of the day: Bring bear spray when riding in the BC Rockies.

Summer?

Its not even close to being summer weather here in the Canadian Rockies. It has been raining for the past 2 weeks straight and there are flood warning across the Southern BC/Alberta Rockies. It also snowed in Canmore today for the Iron Maiden XC race, fortunately, I was not racing, but from the pictures, its looked pretty nasty.

All this rain is keeping me from riding outside, which at this point is probably a good thing. My ankle pain has been increasing lately, not nerve pain, but a deep throbbing pain. It is still pretty swollen, and I feel like it should be looking  bit better by now, it has been 6 weeks since the surgery. I tried to get into see my GP...but you know how it is in Canada with the doctor shortage and all. I don't think an appointment in 3 weeks is really going to help me too much.

Also, this whole MCAT studying thing is really starting to get to me. I don't want to study anymore, but this is after all one of the most important tests of my life. Its seems stupid that there is an aptitude test for medicine, just because you know how to answer an obscure question doesn't make you a great doctor. If it did, then we wouldn't have any crappy doctors in N. America...Stupid MCAT, I just want to be a doctor!

Just a wee update

Sorry I haven't posted anything in a while. Started my summer job on May 7th, and the 9 hour work day starting at 7 am has been a bit rough on me. I'm exhausted by the time I get home at 4, but having every other Friday off and weekends makes it tolerable. I also started studying for the MCAT which I am writing on Sept. 1, the physics section is going to kill me! I got a 14 on the Verbal Reason section though that I did on a practice AAMC exam (I did the exam before I even opened a study guide), so that is really promising seeing as that is the only section that really, really counts. (Unfortunately, all the sections count, but Verbal is the most important.)

I started biking exactly 2 weeks after my surgery (May 12), and the first few rides were a little uncomfortable especially on the bumpy sections. I saw the surgeon for a follow up appointment on May 18th in Vancouver (I had to leave my house at 4 am, my mom drove me through a legitimate snow storm 3 hours to the Calgary airport after my flight was cancelled in Cranbrook at 10pm the night before in order to get there), and he was surprised at how well I was  doing at three weeks, but not surprised that I started biking exactly 2 weeks after the surgery. (To be fair, he said no activity for 2 weeks, and I followed that exactly!) He did say though he was a bit shocked during the surgery to find the distal end of my nerve had not only failed to degenerated but had grown a 2cm branch...according to biology and physiology, the distal end of a severed nerve should degenerate after 48 hours of being cut. So I'm apparently a freak of nature when it comes to neurophysiology.

I still don't have any nerve pain going up leg, which is amazing and the surgeon was pretty pleased to hear that. He did say the nerve pain in my foot should get better, and at the very least not worse. I can handle that!

I also did my first road race since the surgery on Sunday, it went okay, it was pretty painful near the end. My ankle is hugely swollen now though, and at physio yesterday my physiotherapist put on some hot pink kinesiotape like Lance Armstrong used in all 7 tours that he won. It actually made it feel a bit better and the swelling is a bit less (but of course this could all be in my head too). At the race though, the Para-Cycling coach from National Cycling Centre -Calgary came and talked to me, and there is a chance that I might qualify as a para-athlete, which means I could compete in both able bodied and para events. Which could possibly be an opportunity to represent Canada at worlds and the Olympics...something I need to look into!

One more thing, I GOT IN TO THE UNIVERSITY OF CALGARY!!!!!! Yup, that's right friends, KP will no longer be out east anymore. I have an appointment with an academic adviser on Friday to sort out transfer credits and then I get to visit the lab!!! Its pretty cool because the lab and the "O'Brien Centre for Bachelor of Health Sciences" is at the Foot Hills Medical Centre which is basically biggest and most advanced hospital in all of Alberta, and it part of the Faculty of Medicine. Its going to be awesome to be around doctors all the time in an educational manner instead of being the patient! I'm super stoked!

Peace Like a River

Ummm, so awesome??

I just finished my skype interview/meeting with Dr.Z, and it went really, really well! If I get into U of Calgary I will be working his lab and shadowing him during clinical rounds. He also said that there is a very good chance that I will be able to get my name on a major paper that will be published in a highly regarded journal and even a possibility that I could publish on my own (although that is pretty rare).

This all so amazing that I am know deathly afraid that I will not be admitted to U of C. I think I will be absolutely crushed if I don't get in. I almost want to e-mail them and tell them that one of their lead researches is going to be taking under his wing and that they would be stupid to not let me in!

This is both awesome and frightening at the same time.

Shhhh! You might jinx it!

I haven't used a crutch in 2 days and I haven't taken a pain killer in over 24 hours (I'm still taking my usual Lamotrigine) and....I am not any pain! It aches a bit, kind of like a tired muscle pain, but nothing that I would even consider taking a Tylenol for. And when I say 'no pain' I mean no pain, like my right and left foot feels the same...except my right foot has a giant bandage, is still dyed red and is significantly larger.

In a way, I am scared to believe it is true, because everything I have tried in the past has only been temporary and then its devastating when the pain returns. I'm finding it hard to trust that something may have finally worked.

On another note, I have my interview tomorrow with Dr. Z at the Uof C. I will have the house to myself to skype with him, so at least the interview will be somewhat private on my end. I am scared of what he might ask though, I have been trying to read as many of his paper as I can, but so much of them just go straight over my head. I understand it until he starts talking about the immunochemistry and Westernimmuno blots...I actually can't understand a thing in those sections. Hopefully he doesn't ask me detailed questions like that!

I made Gluten -free cookies today

Surgery, Smurgery

My surgery is done, and I am alive!

On Friday afternoon, I arrived at the hospital at 11 am and by 12:45 I was in the block room with a lovely anesthetist who did the popiteal block (a nerve block that is done behind the knee to freeze both the sural and peroneal nerves, thus numbing everything below the knee) on my leg before the surgery. She was incredibly nice, actually talked to me like a human being and reassured me that I will get into a medical school in Canada because (and these are her words) I am reasonably smart, I will probably do reasonably well on the MCATs, I can talk to people and I have a good story. Its always nice to get a reassuring pep talk from a doctor. After she did the block on my leg, she let me see the ultrasound of where tibial nerve divides into the the sural and peroneal nerves...which was pretty amazing! I love learning things when I go into the hospital, its like getting a sticker after a shot when you are a kid. This anesthetists even called me this morning to see how I was doing (unfortunately it was at 7 am and my phone was off) and left a message with her phone number to call her if I have any questions or concerns. Who does that? She is awesome! Is there a new doctor that I want to be like? Yup, I think so!

Anyway, after the block I was wheeled to the OR, where a resident anesthetists took over. I asked him which kind of intubation he was going to use, and he showed me the two different kinds and explained why he was going to use the tracheal one. It was cool, to finally be able to ask questions and have them answered like I was an intelligent adult, and not just a silly patient.

I threw up a bit after the anesthetic when I woke up in recovery, but it was all settled with some Maxeran.

After that I dressed myself (which according the the nurse was quite impressive) and was out of there by 5:30! The surgeon recommend (or agreed to my suggestion) that we start driving home right after the surgery in order to milk the nerve block for all its worth. So we made it to Kamloops and stayed overnight there. I expected to wake up at 1 am in severe pain from the block wearing off, but I didn't. In fact, when I woke up at 5:30 am I still couldn't feel my foot or move it in anyway...such an odd feeling trying to wiggle your toes but nothing happens. Seeing as it was still numb, we hit the road and I didn't start to have any pain until 2.5hrs from home! That anesthetist did a darn good block! It wore off completely sometime last night, so now I'm in pain.

The doctor gave me Oxycodone (whoohoo) but I am slightly allergic to it, so I have to take benadryll which makes me even more sleepy. Oxycodone doesn't work so well for nerve pain, but it does make it so I don't care that I'm in pain...

The surgeon said that both the proximal end of the nerve (the one that was implanted in my muscle) and the distal end (the end near my foot that is only an axon not attached to a cell body) both had sprouts growing off it. So he removed those from the proximal end, crushed the nerve and put it into a 5mm drill hole in my fibula. The distal end is another story. Not only did it have sprouts growing off of it, but it also had grown an entirely new branch...this is pretty much impossible according to what we know about neurophysiology. The distal end was not attached to anything (the proximal end is still fully intact with a cell body somewhere in my spinal cord), so the distal end would not be receiving any nutrition or regulation from the cell body, yet it still managed to grow an entirely new branch. I apparently have an unbelievable ability to regenerate nerves (which is unfortunate in my case), so lets hope I can translate that biological ability into the ability to do so in a lab!

Alright, time to go back into an oxycodone stupor. Sorry for all the spelling mistakes...its not me, its the drugs.