I feel like I am constantly working my tush off to try an impress people I don't know and likely will never meet. I study as hard as I can for everything, 10% tests get as much attention as a 30% test would because everything counts, there is no room for error. I don't skip a training session for any reason, not for pain and not for school because maybe, just maybe tomorrow will be the day that will mean the difference between 3rd and 4th. I try to balance my family, friends, volunteering and goals with my own sanity, but the scales always seemed to be slanted this way or that.
Is this what the rest of my life will be like? Yes I realize that I am trying to get into medical school in the very near yet distant future, but will it always be like this? Once, or if, I am in medical school I know I will be doing everything possible to match into the residency spot that I want, and then I will be trying to match into the fellowship that I want, and the secure a job, and then publish amazing papers....it doesn't end!!!
Right now, my concern is that my medical school applications won't show how hard I have been working. My first year of university shows a GPA that is less than stellar, but an admission committee won't see that I spent all day everyday in hospitals, clinics, doctor appointments, dressing changes, pharmacy line ups, on buses and trains trying to get to far off specialists to prevent my right leg from being amputated. I didn't go to class because I couldn't, so I stayed up every night until the wee hours of the morning copying out notes from my friends and studying for quizzes, midterms, and exams. I worked harder than I have ever worked before, but my GPA doesn't reflect that, and I wasn't involved in the community because I was completely absorbed with trying to save my leg without sacrificing my life. Will the admission committee see that? My guess is not, and if I talk it about, it will seem like I am making up excuses for my grades or trying to seek pity.
I have for the past 2 tests in human physiology gotten 96%, which you might be thinking is impressive, and normally I would also think that, however, my school only puts letter grades on your transcript. In the Faculty of Medicine, and A is 90-96 and an A+ is 97-100. When I apply to UBC school of medicine next year, they will see my A, and translate it to 87%. Which is almost 10% lower than my actual grade, so I might as well study less, put less effort in and get 90%. Or if I study that much harder (which when you have chronic pain, there is a distinct line which you cannot cross because your mind doesn't function after a while) and get 97%, and achieve that A+ (which UBC translates to a 95). The whole grading system makes me angry, I work as hard as I possibly can, and nobody will see that.
Is this the life I am choosing? Work yourself until you bleed and nobody even notices that you are bleeding? I know you will say that they will notice, but I disagree, nobody will see how much I achieved in the face of the challenges I have overcome or am still struggling with. They will see my grades, ones that don't even reflect my actual grades, they will see I had no extra-curricular activities for two years and they will judge me against other students who haven't gone through what I have.
I am choosing a life that is against me in every way.
Is this what the rest of my life will be like? Yes I realize that I am trying to get into medical school in the very near yet distant future, but will it always be like this? Once, or if, I am in medical school I know I will be doing everything possible to match into the residency spot that I want, and then I will be trying to match into the fellowship that I want, and the secure a job, and then publish amazing papers....it doesn't end!!!
Right now, my concern is that my medical school applications won't show how hard I have been working. My first year of university shows a GPA that is less than stellar, but an admission committee won't see that I spent all day everyday in hospitals, clinics, doctor appointments, dressing changes, pharmacy line ups, on buses and trains trying to get to far off specialists to prevent my right leg from being amputated. I didn't go to class because I couldn't, so I stayed up every night until the wee hours of the morning copying out notes from my friends and studying for quizzes, midterms, and exams. I worked harder than I have ever worked before, but my GPA doesn't reflect that, and I wasn't involved in the community because I was completely absorbed with trying to save my leg without sacrificing my life. Will the admission committee see that? My guess is not, and if I talk it about, it will seem like I am making up excuses for my grades or trying to seek pity.
I have for the past 2 tests in human physiology gotten 96%, which you might be thinking is impressive, and normally I would also think that, however, my school only puts letter grades on your transcript. In the Faculty of Medicine, and A is 90-96 and an A+ is 97-100. When I apply to UBC school of medicine next year, they will see my A, and translate it to 87%. Which is almost 10% lower than my actual grade, so I might as well study less, put less effort in and get 90%. Or if I study that much harder (which when you have chronic pain, there is a distinct line which you cannot cross because your mind doesn't function after a while) and get 97%, and achieve that A+ (which UBC translates to a 95). The whole grading system makes me angry, I work as hard as I possibly can, and nobody will see that.
Is this the life I am choosing? Work yourself until you bleed and nobody even notices that you are bleeding? I know you will say that they will notice, but I disagree, nobody will see how much I achieved in the face of the challenges I have overcome or am still struggling with. They will see my grades, ones that don't even reflect my actual grades, they will see I had no extra-curricular activities for two years and they will judge me against other students who haven't gone through what I have.
I am choosing a life that is against me in every way.
This is incredibly tough. I wrote a post a while ago about med school applications in South Africa, where we have similar problems.
ReplyDeleteIt really bothers me that there is no way to show them how hard you worked - I often see kids who really deserve a spot at med school getting rejected. I hope that you will be fortunate and get the spot you deserve. Is it not perhaps possible to send a motivational letter and an additional CV, perhaps even a doctor's letter, along with your application?
As for this kind of life, always working harder and harder... it's tough. I feel that concern daily. One has to learn to make time for happiness, and prioritise. Sometimes it's just not healthy to put your career first.
Best of luck!
Thanks Barefootmeds, some Canadian schools allow you to submit a reason why your grades are lower, but I feel like if I do that, I am just trying to make up excuses. Most Canadian apps (or the ones for the schools that I am in province for) don't have personal essay sections, so I don't really have a space to tell my story. Apparently in Canada, it doesn't matter what your motivation for becoming a doctor is...which for selection purposes has both good and negative effects.
DeleteI agree with barefootmeds up there! You are not trying to earn the sympathy vote, so to speak, by sharing your experiences and explaining why your life looks like it does on paper. It is important that you express your experiences and that they have made you passionate about medicine and compassionate towards others!
ReplyDeleteAs for working harder and harder...med school and residency will feel that way and probably as you begin your practice but after that, you can choose better boundaries for yourself. You are in charge of your career, not the other way around. Just keep the perspective that you are more than only a student, resident, doctor...whatever your title is at the time. Your identity cannot be wrapped up in only that part of who you are at the time. Balance and boundaries are important! Get out and have a little fun. It makes you a better person!
I hope that once I actually have a practice, that this feeling will go away! So I hope you are right!
DeleteThere just isn't space on Canadian apps to tell an admission committee without submitting the "extenuating circumstances" letter and form, which does have to be filled out by my doctor. I don't want to ask for that though, asking for a letter from somebody who got into to medical school and is a doctor seems odd to me, and I know he will ask me "why? what do you want me to say?" Which in itself seems innocent enough, but when I asked for him to fill out the form for students with disabilities before my first year of uni he seemed unimpressed, like I was trying to cheat the system or something. So I don't know what to do really...honestly I will probably complete my application like anybody else, and hope for the best.
These applications are so frustrating! I went to a Canadian medical school and most of the applications prevent you from really justifying yourself beyond specific statements and categories. And I totally get your concerns about explaining grades and stuff. I didn't have health issues, but I was in an unconventional undergraduate program that made it look like I did not complete sufficient credits to graduate and such. I filled out the other info box in an attempt to explain that, but worried about it until I was finally in.
ReplyDeleteThe good thing is that most schools give people a chance if they meet the basic cutoffs (which in and of itself is frustrating if you have good reason for not meeting them). You can talk about some of those experiences in your letters as positives in your perseverance, ability to multitask and such where they fit (and I know those areas are limited on some of the applications).
I hope you get it. I hope they see the real you through the paperwork. It seems so unfair sometimes.
uCalgary has the top 10 experiences portion, and I intend to put my medical journey as number one, which in itself is not extracurricular, but it takes up a lot of time, and as it stands it is probably the most defining experience in my life. But I don't actually know if that is what the mean by "experiences." I really hope I at least make it to an interview...and I do meet the basic cut offs...but nothing I can be confident with. And thanks trishadm, I also hope they see it too.
DeleteYou have already been given such great advice - one more reason I love medical mondays! Your experiences with your own health I believe gives you a huge advantage in developing the kind of compassion and perseverance that makes great doctors. Hold fast to your dream of becoming a doctor. Just because it might not be easily doesn't mean it won't be possible. Thanks for linking up today!
ReplyDeleteWow! You've already overcome so much and hard work is not foreign to you, which I feel is a necessary trait to become a great doctor!
ReplyDeleteYou can most definitely showcase your plight in a way to enhance your application. Rather than pity, it demonstrates your tenacity and your determined perseverance which are paramount in finishing a rigorous medical program.
Hard work is definitely not something that scares me, just the idea that nobody will notice. Thanks for the comments! They are helpful, and made me feel a little bit better. I at least now I feel as though somebody sees it...now back to studying!
ReplyDelete