"Do not let the pain make you hate"

I wish I had the strength to follow these simple rules.

"Do not let the pain make you hate." This is a really hard thing to do, for me, its more a physical pain that makes me hate, but I know that is not the case for everybody. I hate that I have to deal with things that everybody else deals with, and deal with the pain. My life would be so much easier if I could just sleep through the night, not spend most of the day feeling nauseous from the pain and not spend huge amounts of time faking to the world that nothing is wrong. I hate that I can't do anything about these things, and I hate that the pain makes me hate things.

I don't know why I have this idea in my head, but I feel like if I ever get into med school that my worries will just disappear. I have no idea why I think this will happen, because likely my worries will triple once in med school. Maybe its because my goal of trying to get into medical school has been the only thing that makes me keep on going despite the pain. What will happen if I don't get in? Well, I think my pain will make me hate the world even more than I already do.

I need to go see my family doctor about sleeping pills....I hate asking for drugs (and there we go again with my pain making me hate things).

Home for a Rest

This is the first weekend since the 9th grade that I have been home that is not part of a school holiday. Its weird, usually I don't really  have any homework to do while I am at home, but this isn't a holiday, so I do. Its just so odd being at home right now...

The reason I came home is because I have an MRI tomorrow, which is scheduled at our regional hospital. The MRI is only there for 5 days every month (its a mobile MRI), so it took me 6 months to get this appointment. Oh the joys of rural medicine! Its also 1.5hr drive away from where I live (which in turn is 4.5hrs away from where I go to school), so that is still pretty far...

It was nice to go cross country skiing on the trails near my house today though, its a good change from rollers. 

5 for 5

I decided to join this link up:

I think it's pretty self explanatory, so here it goes.

Happies

1. My mice arrived! 

2. I am starting a conference at school, it will be the first student lead conference in my program

3. I had an awesome time in Tucson riding bikes with Team Alberta a few weeks ago

4. I got an A+ in pharmacology last semester (its the only one semester course I have, so it is my only grade from last semester). 

5. I like most of my classes this semester

Crappies

1. I don't have access to get my mice out of animal care My PI just had a grant proposal emergancy and needed the mice, so now I have no mice.

2. My schedule is so full I am starting to panic

3. Reading a stats text book is horrible

4. I'm too busy to study

5. One of my prof's is a bit of a bigget from Georgia (no offence to anyone from Georgia, but this particular individual from Georgia is rather sexist and racist). 

Looming Medical School Applications

On Christmas eve we had some family friends from the US come for our Christmas dinner (they are originally from Poland, but the used to live in our small town about fifteen years ago). Both of their kids are in medical school (one is in OD school I believe) and they told me that there are a fair number of Canadian students in their class. This gives me hope, because I will be applying to the US (lets face it, I only really have any chance at 3/11 Canadian schools, and that doesn't leave for many options).

It was interesting talking to them about the application process and I was surprised to learn that they both applied to about 30 schools! We don't even have 30 schools in Canada! My plan was to apply to 10 US schools and 6 Canadian schools, which would total to 16 applications. Basically, I will be spending what ever I earn this summer on medical school applications. I also found out that in the US, you might receive offers of admission before the end of October!! Our applications don't even close until October. 

I wouldn't mind going to an American school, it would be better than the Caribbean...I will just be paying student loans until I die....and health insurance might be a bit of an issue for me.

I feel like I am steadily starting to build up my application though, even if I am about a year too late. I was just accepted in a program called PEMRAP - Pediatric Emergency Medicine Research Associates Program. After I go through training all of this month and next month I will be enrolling patients in emergency medicine related studies. I'm pretty excited about it, but it does mean I will be spending 8 hours of every Monday at the Children's Hospital. Good times!

Cycling also going pretty good too, I just spent the last week in Tucson at a provincial team training camp. We rode a lot...and I'm exhausted, but ready for the first day of classes tomorrow. For some reason we start the semester on a Tuesday...but I'm all for it! I spent the entire day yesterday travelling, and I haven't unpacked my bike yet...I hope it still resembles a bike after the whatever trauma United Air inflicted upon it.

Team photo on the last day at Colossal Cave Park

Training Camp

My legs feel like jello.

In the past 3 days we have ridden over 13hrs...and collectively we have gotten 17 flat tires. I got my first today when a thorn from a cactus pierced through my tire and tube. I thought the weather would be warmer in Tucson, but last night it went below zero (in Celsius of course). Yesterday was pretty chilly because it rained all Sunday night. Who knew it rained in the desert?? I sure didn't, I remember being told in elementary school that it never rained in the desert, but in all honesty I know only slightly more about US geography than  most Americans know about Canadian geography (okay, maybe a lot more, but I apparently know nothing about deserts).

I received some new Speedplay cleats in my "Santa box" (aka stocking) for Christmas and I used them for the first time on Sunday. My right cleat (my right foot is the one with the nerve pain issues) was locked so that not only was it nearly impossible to clip in, but I had no side to side play in my pedal. So I rode 3.5 hours with my foot locked into a position that should not have been in. As a result, I now not only have way worse nerve pain, but my right knee along the joint line is in some pretty serious pain right now. Essentially, my whole right leg is in pain at every single joint....and all of my muscles hurt. We still have 4 days of riding to go (tomorrow is a rest day, but we still have a 1.5 hour ride to do), with Mt. Lemon on Thursday...I don't know if I'm going to make it...

I don't have any pictures because I have been too busy trying not die on the rides and too tired after the rides to do anything other than lie in bed. On the plus side, my Netflix (or m Dad's I should say) is a American!! If you don't know, Canadian Netflix cowers in the shadow of American Netflix. Americans get Grey's Anatomy episodes!!!

Hopefully we will grab a few pics tomorrow in the park. Wish me strong legs, I'm going to need them.

Peace like a dry Arizona river bed.