Medical Extremes

I think this is my 4th  Medical Monday blog post, and thought I would write about an interesting medical contrast that I experienced today, which I feel really reflects on my own personal experience as a patient. If you are thinking I'm going to tell you about some really cool medical condition, then you should probably navigate yourself away from this page and check this out instead.

This afternoon I spent time in the emergency department of our city's children's hospital as part of the Pediatric Emergency Medicine Research Team, but prior to that I spent the morning volunteering in the palliative/respite care area of the very same hospital. I went from an area that was focused on ensuring that kids who have terminal illness have the best times of their lives while they still can, to an area that was focused on getting kids in and out of the department as fast as possible.

The energy between the two places was extremely different, and while you may not expect this, the doctors, nurses and parents who are taking care of kids in respite care (none of the kids currently under palliative care are actively dying) were way more cheerful, happy, fun loving and honestly just more kid friendly. People were focused on enjoying life, and making sure the kids laughed more than they cried. But in emerg, it is the exact opposite. Nobody is focused on making a kid smile, rather just figuring out what is wrong with them, treating them and moving on to the next patient. We expect that when we set foot in an ER, a doctor will asses us, treat us with modern medicine and then send us home cured of what ever aliment brought us to the door.

As I stood and waited for the bus to take me back to school today (by waiting I mean pacing, I'm a pacer) I began to think about these comparisons and how I have started to shift my own expectations of what medicine can do for me. I'm palliative, not in the dying sense, but in the sense that there is basically nothing anybody can do that will "fix" me, only make the pain a little less intense. Yet, I still expect that a doctor will be able to "fix" me, on the outside I portray that what I am looking for is a diagnosis and curative treatment. But deep down, I'm not. There isn't a cure, there isn't away to fix the pain I have all night and all day. The only thing I require from medicine now is for it to help me live the best life that I can, for it to help me give everyday %110. 

Highs and Lows

In my first year of university I was part of a bible study that we called "DG" (discipleship group), and its where I met most of my really good friends, and a few of them became my room-mates in second year. We met once a week, tucked our selves away in a corner, ate a lot of candy, and talked about God. At the beginning of our meetings we always did "Highs and Lows" where we would each say what a high was for the week and what a low was for the week. It really helped to put things into perspective when you were having a bad week because it forced you to also find the good things that happened.

So, I'm linking up with "happies and crappies" again this week, because I feel like this a helpful exercise when I am feeling a bit glum.

Happies:

- I met with my PI to discuss summer studentship funding, and I am almost done my applications

- I made it to all of my training sessions this week

- I finally got an MRI of my ankle on Monday

- I went home last weekend (because of said MRI) and got to spend some time with my family. Because I went to boarding school when I was in the 10th grade, and then did my first 2 year of  university thousands of km from home, it was the first time I had gone home on a non-holiday weekend since the 9th grade.

- I made my grandmother very happy on Monday when I brought her flowers, which in turn made me happy to see her so happy (and surprised).

Crappies:

- I haven't slept very well in a few weeks. I keep waking up throughout the night (usually at 1 am, 2:30 am, 3:30 am and 4 am) because my leg hurts. I wake up after I have a dream about something happening to my leg, like it gets cut off or like last night, when I dreamed I was shot in the leg. 

- I'm super tired of doing spin pyramids at training

- I almost died driving to my MRI on Monday due to black ice and a freak snow storm, thankfully the big guy was looking out for me.

- Because I went home I got less work done on the weekend

- While this probably doesn't seem like a "crappie," I was disappointed that I only got 91% on my cardiovascular exam in physiology. One question that was marked wrong, is in fact correct based on our lecture notes, so now I have to argue with my prof which I hate doing. I don't like grade grubbers, but when things are marked incorrect when they are actually correct, it makes me upset. 

That is all! Have a good weekend!

"Do not let the pain make you hate"

I wish I had the strength to follow these simple rules.

"Do not let the pain make you hate." This is a really hard thing to do, for me, its more a physical pain that makes me hate, but I know that is not the case for everybody. I hate that I have to deal with things that everybody else deals with, and deal with the pain. My life would be so much easier if I could just sleep through the night, not spend most of the day feeling nauseous from the pain and not spend huge amounts of time faking to the world that nothing is wrong. I hate that I can't do anything about these things, and I hate that the pain makes me hate things.

I don't know why I have this idea in my head, but I feel like if I ever get into med school that my worries will just disappear. I have no idea why I think this will happen, because likely my worries will triple once in med school. Maybe its because my goal of trying to get into medical school has been the only thing that makes me keep on going despite the pain. What will happen if I don't get in? Well, I think my pain will make me hate the world even more than I already do.

I need to go see my family doctor about sleeping pills....I hate asking for drugs (and there we go again with my pain making me hate things).

Home for a Rest

This is the first weekend since the 9th grade that I have been home that is not part of a school holiday. Its weird, usually I don't really  have any homework to do while I am at home, but this isn't a holiday, so I do. Its just so odd being at home right now...

The reason I came home is because I have an MRI tomorrow, which is scheduled at our regional hospital. The MRI is only there for 5 days every month (its a mobile MRI), so it took me 6 months to get this appointment. Oh the joys of rural medicine! Its also 1.5hr drive away from where I live (which in turn is 4.5hrs away from where I go to school), so that is still pretty far...

It was nice to go cross country skiing on the trails near my house today though, its a good change from rollers. 

5 for 5

I decided to join this link up:

I think it's pretty self explanatory, so here it goes.

Happies

1. My mice arrived! 

2. I am starting a conference at school, it will be the first student lead conference in my program

3. I had an awesome time in Tucson riding bikes with Team Alberta a few weeks ago

4. I got an A+ in pharmacology last semester (its the only one semester course I have, so it is my only grade from last semester). 

5. I like most of my classes this semester

Crappies

1. I don't have access to get my mice out of animal care My PI just had a grant proposal emergancy and needed the mice, so now I have no mice.

2. My schedule is so full I am starting to panic

3. Reading a stats text book is horrible

4. I'm too busy to study

5. One of my prof's is a bit of a bigget from Georgia (no offence to anyone from Georgia, but this particular individual from Georgia is rather sexist and racist). 

Looming Medical School Applications

On Christmas eve we had some family friends from the US come for our Christmas dinner (they are originally from Poland, but the used to live in our small town about fifteen years ago). Both of their kids are in medical school (one is in OD school I believe) and they told me that there are a fair number of Canadian students in their class. This gives me hope, because I will be applying to the US (lets face it, I only really have any chance at 3/11 Canadian schools, and that doesn't leave for many options).

It was interesting talking to them about the application process and I was surprised to learn that they both applied to about 30 schools! We don't even have 30 schools in Canada! My plan was to apply to 10 US schools and 6 Canadian schools, which would total to 16 applications. Basically, I will be spending what ever I earn this summer on medical school applications. I also found out that in the US, you might receive offers of admission before the end of October!! Our applications don't even close until October. 

I wouldn't mind going to an American school, it would be better than the Caribbean...I will just be paying student loans until I die....and health insurance might be a bit of an issue for me.

I feel like I am steadily starting to build up my application though, even if I am about a year too late. I was just accepted in a program called PEMRAP - Pediatric Emergency Medicine Research Associates Program. After I go through training all of this month and next month I will be enrolling patients in emergency medicine related studies. I'm pretty excited about it, but it does mean I will be spending 8 hours of every Monday at the Children's Hospital. Good times!

Cycling also going pretty good too, I just spent the last week in Tucson at a provincial team training camp. We rode a lot...and I'm exhausted, but ready for the first day of classes tomorrow. For some reason we start the semester on a Tuesday...but I'm all for it! I spent the entire day yesterday travelling, and I haven't unpacked my bike yet...I hope it still resembles a bike after the whatever trauma United Air inflicted upon it.

Team photo on the last day at Colossal Cave Park

Training Camp

My legs feel like jello.

In the past 3 days we have ridden over 13hrs...and collectively we have gotten 17 flat tires. I got my first today when a thorn from a cactus pierced through my tire and tube. I thought the weather would be warmer in Tucson, but last night it went below zero (in Celsius of course). Yesterday was pretty chilly because it rained all Sunday night. Who knew it rained in the desert?? I sure didn't, I remember being told in elementary school that it never rained in the desert, but in all honesty I know only slightly more about US geography than  most Americans know about Canadian geography (okay, maybe a lot more, but I apparently know nothing about deserts).

I received some new Speedplay cleats in my "Santa box" (aka stocking) for Christmas and I used them for the first time on Sunday. My right cleat (my right foot is the one with the nerve pain issues) was locked so that not only was it nearly impossible to clip in, but I had no side to side play in my pedal. So I rode 3.5 hours with my foot locked into a position that should not have been in. As a result, I now not only have way worse nerve pain, but my right knee along the joint line is in some pretty serious pain right now. Essentially, my whole right leg is in pain at every single joint....and all of my muscles hurt. We still have 4 days of riding to go (tomorrow is a rest day, but we still have a 1.5 hour ride to do), with Mt. Lemon on Thursday...I don't know if I'm going to make it...

I don't have any pictures because I have been too busy trying not die on the rides and too tired after the rides to do anything other than lie in bed. On the plus side, my Netflix (or m Dad's I should say) is a American!! If you don't know, Canadian Netflix cowers in the shadow of American Netflix. Americans get Grey's Anatomy episodes!!!

Hopefully we will grab a few pics tomorrow in the park. Wish me strong legs, I'm going to need them.

Peace like a dry Arizona river bed.